What is Time? ⏳

They say good things come to those who wait. And I know what you’re thinking… here comes the Prince Charming rant. Wrong. I’m the good thing that is always making people wait. I’m not sure I’ve ever managed to be on time to a single thing in my existence. People can say it’s rude all they want, but I honestly believe it’s just who I am as a person. I was born nineteen days after I was due and so began my struggle with time. My friends and family learned a longtime ago that I run on my own schedule. If I say I’ll be there around 6:00, chances are I’ll just be getting out of the shower around that time. I guess it’s safe to add about a half hour to any time frame.
Also, I lie about it, because who doesn’t? At this point in my life, I’m nearing my thirties so I honestly don’t know why I haven’t just owned it yet. And considering I’ve been lying for years, everyone knows. But whenever I get that text, “You almost here?” I can’t help but tell a little white lie, “Be there in 5.” That one is a classic. Along with, “Almost to your exit.” Now the joke about these texts is 9 times out of 10, or 10 out of 10, I’m really no where near where I say I am. I know the drive is going to take me a good 20 minutes. Yet, I’m still sitting on the toilet in the comfort of my own home, and I can’t stop myself from that “on my way” reply.
That being said, I’m not a huge girly girl. I think that’s more than obvious. I’m generally not late because I’m busy doing girly things like fixing my hair or doing my makeup. I’m late because somehow I have zero concept of time and how long things are going to take me and I find myself consumed with doing random shit when I should be getting ready. I underestimate, in all aspects of my life, which sometimes keeps me positive if you know what I mean. Anyways, say I have dinner plans at 7:00 in Schenectady which is maybe a fifteen minute drive from my house, and I should allot a few extra minutes because parking is a bitch and the lots are usually full by that time. (On a side note, if it involves parallel parking, probably just don’t invite me because chances are I won’t go.) I should leave my house by 6:40ish. But I won’t. I’ll wander around looking at memes and laughing at my jokes in the group thread, listening to new music I just heard, cuddling my dog because time is precious… until all of a sudden it’s like 6:30 and I haven’t yet showered, I’m wearing leggings with a hole in the crotch and a tee shirt that desperately needs to be washed. So chances are, I’ll hop in the shower quick, send an “on my way” text right when I finish conditioning my hair and then show up at least 15 minutes late because after all, “Sorry, parking was a bitch.”
Now if you think the fact that me being late to everything on my own is embarrassing, you clearly haven’t met my best friend, the girl who brings the term, “late” to another level. So as you can imagine, when we do things together the “lateness” gets multiplied. We’ve been friends for seventeen years. Seventeen. We’ve come to understand each other’s perception of time and are both well aware of our expectations when we set a time to meet. We’ve even tried to plan to meet earlier as a way of being on time to events and what not, but it doesn’t work. We both know the real time. When I say I’ll pick her up in 15 she knows she has at least another half hour to watch Sex & the City before I actually show up. This October we drove down to Salem, Massachusetts to spend the day exploring and be tourists. We planned to leave at precisely 7am sharp. I called her as I was on my way to pick her up around 7:45 and she was still sleeping. And that sums up our relationship perfectly. Two imperfect people who have no sense of time, who managed to find each other sitting at the only two empty desks left after showing up late to math class in the fifth grade and have been friends ever since.
I guess my point here is that time ladies and gentlemen, means different things to different people. I’d rather not spend my life in a rush. I’ll get there when I get there, and trust me, I’m worth the wait… but if you do find yourself waiting for me, please at the very least order me a glass of wine.


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